What Would Freud Have Said?
An analysis of two sets of television brothers: The Cranes vs. The Mitchells
By Kathryn Garrity
Larry had an interesting idea. I needed something to do that didn’t involve Pinesol or a stiff brush. Let’s go back to Larry’s idea and away from any thought of spring cleaning!
Larry thought about two television programmes that featured brothers. Of course, you are way ahead of me as you shout out—The Mitchells! But the other set of brothers may not be so obvious—the Cranes.
So here’s a thought or two in that direction, if you don’t feel like scouring your grout just now. If I were EastEnders’ Rachel Kominski, I could write a scholarly dissertation on the spiritual, professional, social, political, emotional and intellectual aspects of the Bruvvers Mitchell and the Crane siblings of Frasier (Editor: which by the way, is as popular in the U.K. as it is in the colonies).
However, since I’m not remotely like Rachel, I’ll be using some stolen quotes and rambling.
We’ll start with both families’ backgrounds. We viewers only know Mrs. Crane (deceased) from the brothers’ memories. She seems a classy lady who encouraged higher education and cultural pursuits in her sons. Marty could be her bit of rough (diamond in the rough to us Yanks). Her boys recall her fondly, but distantly now as they grow older. Would Grant and Phil remember Peggy that way? But Peggy won’t stay away.
The first Peggy was an opera buff and looked like she could go 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. And he better check his ears afterwards.
The second Peggy (“I’m back and I’m in charge”) looks as if sher had a backache from throwing her weight around. (Please note my restraint here!)
The boys’ fathers prove interesting, at least in the Crane household, because of dad Marty. He’s not made out to be the greatest role model for the new century. Of his two closest companions, one (Daphne) is paid and the other (Eddie) chews up chairs and sports a leather collar. But Marty loves his boys, even as he disapproves of their choices.
What we know of Mr Mitchell doesn’t sound too savoury. He was a washed-up boxer who used younger son Grant as a punching bag until older brother Phil started to take the beatings for him. Hardly Father of the Year material, but we learn little else about him. What we’ve gleaned is enough to supposedly justify all future bad behaviour from his boys. They didn’t know how a good male behaves. All their relationships are doomed to grandiose failure.
The Crane Brothers have not been very successful in the relationship area either. Missing out on a mother’s love—is that motivation enough? You decide. Younger brother Niles was wed to Maris (“I am not against hasty marriages, where a mutual flame is fanned by an adequate income”) Crane. As we never see Maris, we only know what we overhear—and none of it is good. And Niles abiding passion for Daphne (of the hot water bottles) is never requited.
Older brother Frasier was first seen (on Cheers) in the company of Diane (ther are few women so perfect that their husbands do not regret having married them at least once a day) Chambers. This relationship was followed by his stormy marriage to Dr. Lilith (“marriage is an evil, but it is a necessary evil”) Crane. I can only surmise these poor men do not know how to behave to attract normal, wholesome females and sustain the relationships. They are, thankfully of friendship, as Roz (“come up and see me sometime”) can attest.
The Bruvvers Mitchell have comparatively more difficulty in this area. Grant seems incapable of friendship with a woman that doesn’t involve getting leg over. Grant was married to Sharon (“I married beneath me, all women do”) Watts. But we all know the grief that resulted. That union was followed by—I may have lost count—four or five disastrous liaisons. It seems there’s some additive in the water round Albert Square that temporarily lobotomizes the females. Grant was seen frequently lugging barrels around. And who knows what was really in them?
As for Phil, he was ostensibly married for to Kathy (It doesn’t much signify who one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else) Beale Mitchell. Phil’s wife, as we all know, was a vodka bottle. Phil can nurse an orange juice and promise to change. But when the normal stresses and strains of life provoke him, he can drink motor oil if it will give him a deadening buzz.
The Crane siblings are no strangers to the grape. They are knowledgeable about wine. It’s a lifestyle thing. And it would be difficult to make them give up the coffee that they sip together. But the boys don’t know how to party. Once when co-hosting a party, Frasier and Niles had the privilege of “blackballing” each other’s guests. As you would have guessed, they ended up rejecting so many that they were alone!
This would not make Martha Stewart proud. Grant, on the other hand, knows how to pep up a party. He can bring a good time to a grinding halt with one of his “tapes.”
When discussing lifestyle, we have to talk fashion. The Mitchells don’t have any! Phil and Grant arrived at the Square in black tee-shirts. Phil began sporting coveralls that fairly shout “grease monkey.” Grant has been known to sport short shorts (remember his race against Nigel?). Those white hamhock legs could make Blackwell’s list.
By contrast, the Cranes are very professionally dressed. Maybe better than our own MDs are, but this is Hollywood’s idea of snooty, successful doctors remember.
Niles and Frasier’s fashion savvy runs to handmade Gatsby shirts, respectable ties and three-piece suits crafted by bespoke tailors on Bond Street. The Cranes have it!
But no discussion of The Mitchells and clothing would be complete without a mention of their “Full Monty” episode (seen only on the U.K. video aptly titled Naked Truth. (Never let it be said that the Walford Gazette is too high-toned!) For those who haven’t seen it: it was a two- hander episode featuring Phil and Grant. They drank, they fought, they made up, they got naked. (Up until that last part, it was an ordinary night round the Vic.)
Now, not having seen every Frasier episode ever aired, I can’t vouch for their state of undress. But I do seem to recall Niles buying his pop “a day at the spa.” And old Marty wasn’t anxious to see his offspring in the altogether. Peggy Mitchell though, had that dubious experience! It was rather a hoot!
You’ve guessed by now that I like the Cranes. They won’t win any contests for the most stable family around. The Mitchell bruvers... maybe they can get a family counselling discount, if they bring Sam and Peggy too.
I’d like to leave you with an adage applicable to EastEnders: “It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss, volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.”
I guess Albert Square is not known for its patience! But I appreciate yours. Thanks for listening. If anything here offended, remember it was Larry’s idea! At least we successfully dodged the housework for a while. Cheers!
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